Where in the World is... Barry Bonds??

Throughout all of baseball there have been different types of Eras. The Dead Ball, Long Ball, Expansion, Integration, and now, we might be witnessing a new era. The No Bonds Era.

It’s been 2 ½ years since Barry Bonds last played on the diamond, and since then, there hasn’t been much news about the Sultan of Syringe. He’s been a free agent since October of 2007 and yet, not one team has shown even an interest in Big Barry. In fact, it’s almost as if the world is trying to erase itself from the current home run hitting champion.

For him to even be in the news, he technically has to do something news worthy. So far he’s doing a pretty good job of staying out of the spotlight. He hasn’t done anything. Sure he visited the spring training for the Giants but that’s not enough to get you in the papers… my blog sure, but not the head line news.

He’s not begging on the doorsteps of GM’s around the league to play and he’s definitely not feeling the burn to play again because other wise he’d be submitting himself to the minors in order to show a team that he’s ready to play again. So he’s practically trying to stay out of the media hub.

Not only is he doing a good job of staying quiet, but other forms of media are doing the same. I recently noticed while playing MLB 2K10 that the Big Mac Asterisk isn’t even in the game. Usually with a player like Barry Bonds or Kevin Millar, who are either not part of the players union or don’t give MLB certain player rights will still be in the game, but under a different name. MLB 2K10 however, doesn’t even acknowledge Bonds’ existence. If you go to MLB records, it still shows Mark McGuire as the leader for single season home runs. It also shows Babe Ruth as the single season leader in walks, even though the Splendid Steroid broke that record by a 100 or so free passes.

This is when I actually started to question my baseball knowledge. I’m thinking to myself, Bonds broke that record, and that one, and that one… I think?? No… He DID!!

It’s almost as if, like the newspapers and sports shows, video games are weening themselves free of The Great Bondbino.

It’s also not like staying under the radar has been hard for Barry. From mistresses to shooting themselves, athletes have done more than enough to cover for him.

There’s also one tiny little thing that might be stopping Bonds from trying to come back. No not the fact that he can’t juice up anymore, because we all know he could if he wanted to. We all know some players still do. There’s the little thing called age.
Bonds is 45 years old, been off the needle for 4 years, and if he were to make a comeback it’d be almost improbable. There’s almost the sense that he’s given up or secretly retired. While neither him or his agent has officially made the retirement statement, you have to wonder if a comeback is the smart thing to do.

We know that Tiger Woods almost made the comeback of the decade by being out of golf for 144 days and almost winning the prestige Masters, but we’re talking about 2 ½ years, off the juice, in a world where the game isn’t all about the long ball.

There are a few things that make his non-return saddening. Bonds is practically hits away from becoming an all time great. PEDs or no PEDs it takes more than strength to hit a round ball square with a round bat. He’s 65 hits away from reaching 3,000. He’s 4 RBIs away from 2,000 and he’s also 38 homeruns away from reaching 800. Also, he’s 69 runs away from passing Rickey Henderson as the all-time runs champion, and trust me, someone like myself would love to see anyone else put Henderson in his place (aka 2nd.)

Unfortunately as much as I’d hate to admit it. I need Barry Bonds in my life. He went out the wrong way. I’d rather see him go flat on his ass then take the cowards way out. Frankly, I just need someone to hate because right now, I’m having a hard time hating anyone in baseball as much as I hate the Colossus of Cheat.



(I would also like to say that while writing about how the newspapers, sports shows, and video games are slowly removing Bonds from their futures… I just saw Bonds on the newest version of South Park. This is actually a good lesson. Don’t ever piss of Matt Stone and Trey Parker because they never forget. Ever!)

On the Prowl...

A fish swims, a bird flies, and next week… a tiger will devour it’s prey. It’s the way of the animal kingdom, and next week, the animal kingdom won’t be located in the heart of Africa, but rather in Augusta, Georgia, the site of the 2010 Masters.

The course will be filled with the usual suspects. Mickelson, Furyk, Singh, Els, Cink and many more will be hitting the range and putting around, but unfortunately for them, no one will see them do it.

No one attending the tournament will see them tee up their shots, talking with their caddies, or walk down the fairways. That’s because all eyes, cameras, and divided attentions will be directed towards the king of the jungle, Eldrick T. Woods, better known as Tiger.

For the first time since playing (and winning) in the land down under, Tiger Woods will return to the game of golf.

Personally, I couldn’t be happier, but every woman, girlfriend, whipped married man, and Christian/Catholic follower looks to disagree with me.

For the last four months he has cheated, lied, crashed, texted, hid, admitted himself and apologized. In fact, he’s done everything but swing a golf club (unlike his wife)… so we think.

As far as we know, he hasn’t set foot on a golf course since probably sneaking around his own private course with one of his umpteen mistresses. I know it’s a low blow Tiger (pun intended) but you have it coming (pun intended again.)
But then why would he return to of all things, The Masters? It could have been any tournament but I think that he’s so determined to prove to the world that he can win again, that The Masters seemed like the proper starting point.

It’s the tournament that he’s won four times. One more and he never has to worry about what jacket to wear on the weekdays. He’s made the cut 13 times since his first win in 1997, in fact he’s never finished higher than 22nd. I’d say this tournament was made for his return.

But is he ready?

Without playing in a single tournament this season, Tiger is attempting to return to the field to not only the biggest stage that his sport has to offer, but to win the whole damn thing.

To put that into perspective, that’s like Kobe missing the entire season and single handedly (with no team mates) giving himself a fifth ring or Albert Pujols winning the triple crown after spending the first three months on the DL with a broken hip. Woods is attempting to do what some feel is improbable.

There are a few things that do make him the front runner and fifth jacket possible.

For one, he is arguably the greatest athlete to ever set foot on a tee box. I say arguably because Michael Jordan still plays golf when he’s not buying NBA teams and making a fool out of himself in Springfield, MA. I digress.

Secondly, from the beginning of his career to his present day fall out, no one has had the successful life that he has had. From his first major win at the Masters to his impressive win at the 2008 US Open on one, count em’, ONE leg. Face it, the man does nothing but excel and win.

There’s also that tiny, little, itsy bitsy thing that no one has over Tiger Woods. That would be the mental aspect. It’s the one factor that has brought Tiger Woods to the top.

Like I said before, he’s choosing to return to the biggest tournament of the year without playing in a single competitive round. Why would he do this unless he was determined to win. When a normal person put their mind to something then feel that they can accomplish anything, but when Tiger puts his mind to something, he will accomplish everything.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will excel during this tournament, make the cut, turn heads, and be standing at the clubhouse just past the 18th hole being presented his fifth green jacket.

This man that we all know as Tiger, is ready to release a beast, outside the bedroom, that’s been hiding within his body since his leave of absence in late November.

Fish got to swim, birds got to fly, and Tiger’s got to win.