What is Pretty?

By definition, it’s a word used when describing something that just makes you smile, tear up, or just plain happy. For example, a flower, painting, sunset, or woman.

While the same goes for myself, I look at the word pretty for something much more.

To me, and millions of other around the world, it mean’s something more than a still frame moment. Instead it’s a series of moments all intertwined into one, well, “pretty” shot.

Pretty -- It’s a chip shot on Augusta that plops on the green, takes a hard right turn, and navigates itself towards the flagstick as if it’s being directed by a TOM TOM GPS.

Pretty -- A shooter that releases the ball at that precise moment while the defender is in the air. His arm outstretched as high as it can be but it doesn’t even come close as the ball literally floats through the air and into the bucket.

Pretty -- A game ending block that sends a happy-go-lucky 13-seed into the next round of a tournament after beating out a favorited 4-seed.

Pretty -- A ball that dances in the wind as it travels just over 60 feet to a mammoth of an athlete ready to whack the stitching off it but fails to do so as it dips from his eyes to toes, buckling his knees in the process.

Pretty -- A goalie with his legs out stretched and shame left in the net behind him because a shooter just hit the turbo button while juking 6 ways towards Sunday to score in overtime.

Pretty -- A toe tapping touchdown that a receiver catches after thwarting off his defender and stopping on a dime before hitting the white line while simultaneously gripping the ball for 6 points.

Pretty -- A player that sees a ball zipping towards him and instead of using his head to change it's path, springs backwards into the air and flips his foot above his head to redirect the ball by the defender for the score.

There are many things in this world that are pretty that necessarily don’t have the typical female appeal. Whether it be a middle aged man scoring a goal or a freshman in college juking out his senior opponent, just remember, pretty isn’t just for your grandma‘s linens anymore.

To Grunt or Not to Grunt

Going to the gym these past few weeks has brought a couple things to my attention. One being that I'm out of shape but that's not the point of this post.

The main thing I've noticed is that other than the constant whining of the machines, or slamming of the weight plates, it's actually pretty quiet at the gym.

Back in the day, aka 5 years ago, there use to be a sound that people would make on occasion, a grunting if you will. What ever happened to the grunting, yelling, and swearing at the gym.

I'm not saying I miss it completely but where did it go? I know that some gyms have a no grunting policy. Planet Fitness for one example.

But why is grunting so bad. Sometimes you need a good yell. In my mind, a person who screams or lets out a yell at the gym is only expressing himself. Hell if I put up 300lbs on the bench press I'm going to want to yell to. What else am I suppose to do, just let out an awe-inspiring golf clap or a ballerina fist pump.

Let's face it, grunting comes natural. You earned the body you worked hard for so why not express it the way you want. Some people reward themselves with more cardio, personally I'd rather end it with a high five. (Still in mind, there is nothing better than a hard connecting high five.)

So I say put up that weight, run your carbs off and grunt away. As I told one of my friends, "You earned that sh*t, grunt away!"

Strikeout Twice for Bryce

He’s been scouted since he was a preteen. Since the age of 12, blasting home runs and throwing runners out from his knees 90 to 127 feet away. Bryce Harper has been described as the next prodigy of baseball. If you google “LeBron James of Baseball” you’ll get an article by Tom Verducci from Sports Illustrated explaining the abnormal strength of this boy from Sin City.

Just yesterday that same boy came up to bat for the Washington Nationals. He replaced DH Matt Stairs, who is arguably the greatest the softball player to ever play baseball.

Harper stepped into the box twice on Monday, and contributed nothing but a couple strikeouts to the box score. 

For all you National fans don’t drop your head in disappointment yet, it’s not like management even expected him to play in the pros this year. He’s expected to start off in Single-A ball and quickly climb the ladder from there.

But many sports writers, scouts, and even players were anticipating a positive explosion from Harper. Instead he tipped and whiffed his way into the spring training books with two strike outs instead.

I can’t help but compare him to last year’s phenom, Jason Heyward for the Atlanta Braves. In his very first at bat, the 6’5’’ 240 pound behemoth belted a ball over the fence in right field for his first home run in his first major league at bat for the Braves.

Now I’m not saying that Heyward in more impressive than Harper. Let’s face it, there are a couple factors to these two young guns. Heyward first of all, is 3 years older than Bryce. He also spent 3 years in the minors before getting his shot in 2010. With the recent failure of Stephen Strasburg, Bryce will probably be pushed through the farm system a lot faster than Heyward was. We’re also talking about a first major league at bat compared to a first spring training at bat. After all said and done, Heyward hit more than .350 over 41 at bats.

Fortunately, the Spring has barely set in which means there’s plenty of time to boost that .000 batting average.

The New Look Knicks

The New York Knicks are not the same team they were back in training camp. With a wave of the pen, shake of the hands, and a couple flights in between, the team from MSG now has a couple new faces to add to their dozens of 20 stories build boards.

In fact there was a picture up within 24 hours of the contract signing. After the deal was made, the Knicks flew out half their starters and a couple bench players to the Rockies. In return, the Golden Child of Orange Basketball returns to New York with a friend names Chauncey.

Carmelo Anthony, born and raised in Brooklyn, now plays for the team that’s stationed only 3 miles by hang glider or 20 minutes by the 2 train.

The Knicks are attempting to do what two teams have recently done in the last 5 years. The Celtics and Heat basically went out put 3 all stars together and waited to see what happened. While the Celtics hodgepodge resulted in a quick Championship followed by a recent finals appearance, the Heat are still waiting to see what bubbles from their petri dish. (So far so good from the two Eastern Science Experiments.)

The Knicks are following suit by combining the forces of Stoudemire, Melo, and Billups. Here is where the problem lies. While the Big Three Theory has worked in the past, every team has it's ups and downs. Personally I think it was a miracle that the Celtics were able to put up the numbers and win the game they did in their first year after gutting a team and stringing together another banner year. In the norm of sports, management calls that a rebuilding year. Well that experiment was on steroids, and so could the Heat. 

For the Knicks however, they don't have enough time to get into a comfortable groove. As of today their currently in the playoffs and could make a good run once post season play begins.

However there’s that one special ingredient that New York, along with Miami, are missing from their Big Three, and that’s a fourth to bring it together. The Celtics got very lucky with Rajon Rondo and that’s the type of player these other two teams need. Rondo plays the role of that missing puzzle piece; that much needed wood glue for the bird house; the final brick keeping the house from toppling over… enough analogies for you??

When Rondo gets the ball he’s able to distribute it as he feels necessary. The best part is he has 3 people with All Star caliber to do something with the ball. Meanwhile New York and Miami are limited to rotating between just the three. I know one player doesn’t seem like a lot, but it does when that one player is throwing up 10+ assists a night which can equal to a minimum of 20 points a night. And that’s not even including the points he scores. (That statistical in depth conversation for another time.)

We just have to give the Knicks time. Yes they won their first game, but it was against the Bucks, a team that probably won’t sniff the playoffs. Then they lost to the Cleveland Cavaliers. You know, the team that is guaranteed the most ping pong balls come draft time. Now they’re off to Miami and then they play Boston. It should be an interesting start to the second half.

Of course, I’m not saying the Knicks aren’t fun to watch. Personally I’m glad to see basketball becoming more of a New York sport again. Whatever takes the focus off those Damn Yanks. 

This & That about Spit & Spat

MYBRAIN, M.E. -- The other day on the golf course, Tiger Woods did something on the green that has everybody talking.

No he wasn't caught with mistress #71 on the 12th green, Although it is starting to feel like a bidding war ins't it??

"Do I hear Mistress 71?? Mistress 71?? Going Once! Going Twice! Oh you in the back, Mistress 71! Do I hear Mistress 72??"

Instead Tiger, or Eldrick as he's commonly known by only his soon to be enemies if you call him that, crouched into his onlooking stance, reared back, tilted his head, and hocked a massive spit wad to his side.

This was no ordinary spitting moment. This thing had force behind it, as if to send a message. In fact this wad was so large, it tweeted while it was in the air: TIGERLOOGIE: AHHHHHHHHH.... #splat!

After hearing about it, reading about it, and of course, watching it 5,000 times on SportsCenter this morning alone, I've come to one very well thought of response:

WHORE CARES! Whoops... I mean WHO CARES!!

The guy spit on a golf course. Can you honestly tell me you've never spit on a golf course. NEWS FLASH: EVERYBODY SPITS ON THE GOLF COURSE! And if you deny spitting on a course, then I bet you've done something either equal to or worse than just spitting.

Ladies if you don't really want to know what goes on during a round of golf, I'd scroll through these next couple sentences. Otherwise please don't judge us, at least we're amateurs. Imagine what the pros would do if they could.

Golfers are disgusting people. I should know, I'm one of them. It must be something about the game or the surroundings that bring out the worst in some people, and by worst I mean:
1. Swearing
2. Spitting
3. Burping (without an excuse me)
4. Farting
5. Peeing, ya peeing, and not in an out house.
6. Drinking
7. Smoking
8. Cheating (uncounted strokes and relying a ball)

These are only a few examples of what normal golfers do. Can you imagine if a pro did any of these things. Okay maybe they wouldn't be reprimanded for burping and the occasion smothered fart, but they might get a talking to from their mother.

I bet nobody thought spitting was harmful to the game until Eldrick, errr I mean Tiger, did it. And he was fined by the European Tour for it.

My only problem is the Hiroshima proportion that this incident is being blown too. (Too soon for Hiroshima?? No?? Okay then!)

Again my only thought is that he spit, it's done with, and maybe that little patch of green turns to brown crab grass. Get over it.

Plus it's not entirely his fault. Maybe if those mistresses weren't such a bad influence on him, he wouldn't be spitting so much.

Give a Hoot and Follow Suit

In the summer of 2010, college freshman Kevin Jordan was living the dream. He was getting ready for his first year at Wake Forest and was drafted by the New York Yankees.

However, just days after grabbing the title as a future pinstripe prospect, Jordan was diagnosed with a serious kidney illness. (As if there’s a non-serious kidney illness.)

After months of dialysis Jordan became even sicker. With his family sitting bed side, waiting for options, a man who they had known for less time than a gold fish lives (exceptions to this analogy are limited to my friend Leanne. That fish will probably out live her) stepped up to help out the young ball player.

That man donated his kidney to Jordan. That man was his baseball coach, Tom Walter.

Go ahead, read that sentence again. Take your time, I’ll wait. Now pick up your jaw from the ground and continue reading.

Coaches, at any athletic level, are put on this earth to help out and teach the younger players. What better way to teach not just 1 player, but the entire player population about selflessness and teamwork, than by donating an organ to save someone’s life.

All coaches should take after Walter. Now I’m not suggesting they switch their license to read organ donor but the act of kindness he displayed should be repeated by all.

Tom Walter is everything that’s right in sports. He didn’t do it out of guilt, nobody asked him. He didn’t do it because Jordan would instantly change the teams success, they’re not exactly competing for the National Title. (They‘re lucky if they get a national televised game.)

No, Walter simply did it because his player, his student, and his friend, needed help.

Hopefully when Jordan makes it big with the Yanks, he’ll at least give his ex-coach at the time, a couple tickets to his first game. Some how I think Walter won’t have to ask.

Place Your Bets!

Ahh the Super Bowl. One of the greatest times of the year. While many football fans are grabbing the chips and wondering how the commercials are going to be, I'm more fascinated with a different aspect of the game.

The gambling side. Now while I don't usually bet on the game, I do usually throw my ten dollars into a squares pool, with the hopes of the score ending with a 4 or 5 at the end of the 1st quarter. I usually get screwed and never take home any money.

But more importantly than any office pool or winner buys the other lunch bet, there's the ever popular props bet. For those that don't know, a props bet is something absurd about a particular event that you wouldn't normally bet on. Examples range from how many times Mike Tyson refers to himself in the third person to what quarter a streaker will run onto the field in the Super Bowl. (Don't laugh it happens a lot.)

But instead of jumping on a sports betting web site or calling up your local bookie, take a look at some of my favorite prop bets of the Super Bowl that rarely pertain to the game at all. I'll even give you some great odds. (Taking any and all action, because these bets favor the house.)

2 to 1 odds: Someone will ask, "Are there anymore chips?"

4 to 1 odds: A female guest will ask the group, "What's a down?"

5: Over/under that someone will say "That was the best commercial so far!"

4: Over/under that someone will say "That commercial was good but not as good as that other one!"

11: Over/under that the toilet flushes.

3 to 1 odds: Someone mentions they like what "you" did with the bathroom.

3 to 1 odds: Someone will ask after drinking a soda/beer, "Do you recycle?"

8 Seconds: Over/under that Christina Aguilera will hold the "Brave" part of the National Anthem.

7 to 1 odds: Someone will mention the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction incident while watching the Half Time Show.

4: Over/under how many times Aaron Rodgers (The Green Bay Quarterback) is compared to Brett Favre.

5 to 2 odds: They replay the catch by Santonio Holmes from the last Super Bowl the Steelers were in.

50 to 1 odds: Someone makes the comparison that Mike Tomlin looks like Omar Epps from House.

And one of my all time favorites:

6: Over/under that someone will ask what the score is? (This one makes me incredibly upset because the TV is on. Just Look! And if it's a commercial you shouldn't be talking anyway. Save the chit-chat for the game.)