And Theeeeeeeeeeen....

A few days ago I randomly came down with a virus or as I liked to call it, a bowel reenactment of Hiroshima. This wasn’t just any stomach bug. I felt as if my insides had just been through a 7.0 magnitude earthquake… too soon?

While many people run to the supermarket to grab some Pepto Bismol or pick up some chicken soup, I have always taken a different approach.

I believe that a virus isn’t something you try to treat. A lot of people take medications or get shots from doctors to help the pain. The bad thing is that these techniques only mask the symptoms rather than kill the virus. I however, treat a virus like, ohhh, a terrorist.

I attack the crap out of it. Instead of Dayquil, I call in the cavalry. I call in the WMDs. I call… China King.

To destroy a virus you need to catch it off guard and that’s exactly what 5 pounds of MSG does. While the virus is sitting in my stomach waiting for some like buttered toast and orange juice, I’m ordering a Letter-H Lunch Special with extra duck sauce.

While the virus makes itself comfy through my intestines and around my bowels, I am pouring half a bottle of Frank’s Red Hot Sauce on my meal for that little extra F-U kick.

To this day my theory has been successful and holds an impressive 11-0 record. (At this rate, one more and I clinch home field advantage.)

Viruses today are treated too softly with  small doses of medicine and liquids. So next time you’re laying in bed curled up in a ball of death or are using you toilet as a porcelain pillow, grab your phone and dial up a pu pu platter for two. One for you and the other for that Osama Bug Virus hiding within your body.

瓷枕头 (porcelian pillow)
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