epaC eht no floG

On the 4^th of July, I did something I have only done for the 3^rd time all year. And after about 5 hours of struggling, swearing, pissing (and moaning), weeping, throwing, kicking, and stomping, I’m not sure I’ll be doing this activity for quite some time.

No, I’m not talking about baking a soufflé or trying to land the effin’ plane in Top Gun for NES.  I’m talking about golf.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love golf. I love playing it, watching it, talking about it, (betting on it), reading… well maybe not reading about it. But that doesn’t mean you should stop reading about it. Let’s continue…

I guess we can start our story off at the beginning of my round which began when my jaw dropped in the pro shop when I saw how much it was to play.

Now granted, I wasn’t the one paying; my father was (God Bless his wallet.) Regardless, no one should have paid that much to watch me struggle for 18 holes.

1^st hole we get up to the tee box and my dad takes his first shot of the day. That’s if you don’t could the 50 or so he took on the practice green. Dude loves to putt. (Fun Fact: My dad is the 1988 Massachusetts State Mini Golf Champion. Not mock it, until you can tell me what your dad is the state champion in.)

His ball goes far and a little left. Next my brother, long and straight down the fairway. (Must resist CaddyShack reference)

Next my uncle who take out his 5 wood and smashes the ball up the fairway. “Big hitter the Lama, long.” Dammit!

Then it was my turn. My first shot went about 60 yards to the left, dead hook, in the trees. 1 ball down, 42 left in the bag.

The next 9 holes was alike a Lincoln Theater Tragedy. 53 swings later and standing at a cool 18 over par, the best thing to come from this day had finally arrived. A red Power-Ade and frozen Snickers. Nothing ever tasted so good. Remind you that it was in the 90’s (the temperature not my score) and it felt like playing golf in Satan’s sauna.

For the first time in 13 holes, I actually hit the damn ball straight and WHATTA-YA-KNOW! I pared the effin’ hole.

I’m not so bad after the second shot; unfortunately the hole starts on the tee box not 200 yards down the middle of the fairway.

The rest of the holes weren’t a pleasure cruise but I did get to witness my brother par the par 3 with a chip out of the sand that slowly rolled across the green and into the hole. It was very cool to see since I had never seen anyone do that before. (Would have made Bobby Orr #4 on SportsCenter’s Top Ten.)

So after 5 hours, 104 strokes, 15 lost balls, 3 blisters, and the creation of 3 new swear words, I officially had the worst round of my life, but… I still had fun.

I had fun because I know I’m not a good golfer. I know I’m not going to hit under par, or bring my hand cap under my age. So it’s all about having fun and enjoying the one par I’ll get or watching someone else chip it in from the bunker for par.

I can’t drive, chip, loft, flop, or any other kind of golf swing other than putt. My game consisted of no more than 2 putts per hole which by mini golf standards puts me at 9 UNDER!!!! Sooooo… I HAD A GREAT ROUND OF GOLF!!

Looks like it’s time for me to take after my dad and hit the windmills and clown months rather than the fairways and fringes.

See you on the fake greens… I’ll be the one with the $90 dollar putter and red colored ball.