I Got 99 Reasons But A Manny Aint One

On July 18^th, 2010 at 7:01PM, Carl Beane (the Red Sox P.A. Announcer) will utter the name of a man once loved, hated, and confused by the fans of Boston. He will quickly run through the first three members of the visiting team. He will say “Batting third and playing right field, Andre Ethier.” There will then be a pause, a clearing of the throat, and the crowd will take a deep breath. The next words out of Beane mouth might produce the loudest noise at Fenway since opening day. “Batting fourth and playing left field, Manny Ramirez.”

The question is what will the crowd yell after Ramirez’s name echoes through the sound system?

Will the crowd cheer? Boo? Heckle? Start a traitor chant? Steroids chant? Maybe nothing (unlikely)?

Will they applaud the man that once (with the help of his Dominican counterpart) carried the 2004 and 2007 Red Sox on his and Papi’s backs?

Manny was voted to the All Star game 7 consecutive times as a member of the Sox. He hit a high .312 batting average, belting 274 round trippers, and batted in a ridiculous 868 runs. All this in just 8 seasons. This is career worth of stats.

He’s entertained the fans with this Goliath-like strength. He hit the second longest home run at Fenway Park, 

a 501 foot shot against the Blue Jays, one foot shy of the record. (Ted Williams: 502ft)

He led the American League in multiple stats. Leading the AL in home runs in 2004, intentional walks in 2001/2003 (not the major leagues since Bonds was still shooting… I mean playing, and on base percentage in 2002-2003 and 2006. He also led the league in batting in 2002 with a Joe Mauer-esk batting average.

Now I don’t want to get all hopped up on stats. (even though I wouldn’t mind going on with my spreadsheet of fun here.)

Manny also brought some hardware back to the Bay State. He was the recipient of the Hank Aaron Award in 2004, and 6 time Silver Slugger winner with the Sox. OOOOHHHH Yeah… He also brought Boston more gold with World Series Trophies than Flava Flav has in teeth fronts. His league leading batting average in 2002 was rewarded with the AL Batting Title.

While this is all very, very, berry fresh and fruity (Thank you IHOP), there were a few things that might just make the fans boo the old cleanup hitter.

First, there’s the countless blundering moments of Manny so-called “being Manny.”

From the potty break in the Green Monster, sitting on a baseball after failing to catch it on the dive, and of course, practically walking to first base every time he made contact with the ball.

(On a side note: I don’t think I’ve ever hated a player more for not hustling, even if it is a routine ground ball because baseball is full of obscurities. You really don’t know what’s going to happen. That ball could be bobbled by the first baseman. I don’t see the harm in just running to first base.)

Manny was also and is still also not a team player. He made comments public about his dislike of Boston and how he wanted to be traded. All this came at the beginning of the season too. Man in the sky forbid he wait until the off season. Heck, he’s even doing it again with the Dodgers now.

Manny was also accused of choking a member of the Red Sox organization and throwing them to the ground. 

Oh yea, the guy was in his 60s but its okay, it’s just “Manny Being Manny.”

Oh and let’s not forget about the whole steroids situation. Manny was suspended for 50 games as a member of the Dodgers for abusing the league’s drug policy.

So the question is, what WILL the fans do once Ramirez’s name is announced? Will they cheer for the Manny that we loved for 6 or so years, bring home 2 World Series trophies, or will they boo for the club house cancer and drug user.

So if the fans boo, they boo. And if the fans cheer, they cheer. If they do nothing, then they doing nothing. It's just important to remember that no matter what they do you can't blame them because, Hey, it's the just the fans being fans.

Strasburg, Party of 14!

Empty, hankering, famished, starved, and carnivorous; all words that describe how Stephen Strasburg felt after his impressive debut against the Pirates Tuesday night.

Unlike me, he put it a lot simpler. He’s hungry.

Strasburg left the 7^th inning having thrown 94 pitches, giving up a home run, two earned runs, fanning 14, and for the first time ever, leaving every fan (40,315) at Nationals Park screaming, standing, and “hungry” for more.

SportsCenter has become StrasCenter for the last 2 days, hyping his debut and basking in his first 7 innings of fame. However, as impressive as it was, I’m not entirely convinced by one outing.

Let me rephrase that… I’m not convinced, YET.

I’ll give him credit, he definitely held his composure and showed no signs of last night being his first major league game.

However, there are some factors we need to throw into the fire. The Pirates are dead last in the Majors in Runs Scored, RBI’s, and Batting average. They’re 25^th overall in Homeruns, and 29^th overall in hits. To say the least, they are good enough to win the anti-triple crown. This played a role in Strasburg’s success Tuesday night because he was practically facing the worst offensive team in the MLB.

Granted his curveball was untouchable and his fastball invisible. He still like every rookie, had some mistakes. His control was 50/50. He was hitting some spots dead on, and missing them by 2 or 3 feet. There were two control issues in particular that stand out to me. One of them didn’t help him, but finally brought a reality to the crowd and Strasburg himself, that I think everyone needed.

The first was a home run given up to Delwyn Young where he left a change up over the middle of the plate in a spot where every major leaguer can crush it for a four bagger. This is quite a big mistake even though it was only a two run homerun. But unlike some ball clubs, teams like the Nationals and Pirates can’t afford to let up more than a couple runs, since they don’t produce that many each night.

The other mistake was in favor of the young gun. He threw a breaking ball that not only broke about a foot and a half but missed the catcher’s target by twice that much. The batter however, didn’t have a chance and swung wildly at it for the strike three.

The kid (and yes I can call him kid since he’s about 2 years younger than myself) has stuff, there’s no doubt about that. I’m not taking anything away from his power, poise, and aggressiveness.

But I would love to see him face a line up with at least a little bit of talent. If the schedule goes as planned, His next four opponents will consist of the Indians, White Sox, Orioles, and Braves. If you asked me, and you must be otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this, We’re not going to see what this kid’s really made of until he faces Atlanta.

WARNING: EXTREME STATS COMING AT YOU!!!

Until Strasburg theoretically pitches against the Braves, he’ll be facing 3 more of the worst offensive teams in the MLB.

The follow stats are as follows: Batting Average = Cleveland 26^th, Chicago (AL) 28^th, Baltimore 24^th.

Runs Scored = Cleveland 26^th, Chicago (AL) 25^th, Baltimore 28^th.

Hits = Cleveland 27^th, Chicago (AL) 30^th, Baltimore 25^th.

In fact the only thing that Baltimore might have going for them is they don’t strike out a lot as they’re only 6^th in team whiffs. However, they will be right down the road from Nationals Park, so I’m pretty sure the crowd will be helping to pump the blood through the veins of Strasburg fast than 2 Viagra’s and a bottle of scotch. 

Although I did hear that scotch helped David Wells with his perfect game.

For a pitcher who practically tore the Pirates roster a new one, these next few teams should be fairly simple, considering they are almost the same team as Pittsburgh.

So grab your day planner and mark your calendars. Pick up the phone and make your reservation now, because Strasburg is sure to serve up a few plates of success these next few starts. But come his “theoretical” start against the Braves, he might want to have the pepto bismol handy. 

Are You Down With NYC.. Ya You Know Me

About three weeks ago I received an email that I never expected to get. No it wasn’t spam or pornographic material… because I always expect that stuff. Instead it was a notification from ABC’s hit show Who Wants to be a Millionaire. The show had contacted me, after weeks of applying online, to come to New York City and tryout for the show. I considered this city visit to be a chance of a life time thing. Little did YOU know that I would blog about my entire experience. Enjoy…


10:00AM: Arrived at Albany-Renn Train Station one hour before my train was set to depart for NYC. I grabbed myself an energy bar and Arnold Palmer (Half & Half) and waited for my train.

11:05AM: Sat down on the train (window seat of course), grabbed my Trivial Pursuit Questions & Answers book and started to read page after page after page after page after page.

11:50AM: Train decides to stop so that another train heading in the opposite direction on a different track can pass our train. I really don’t know what to say about this.

2:30PM: After a meaningless stop and reading about 7 board games worth of Trivial Pursuit questions, I finally arrived at Penn Station.

2:32PM: I have seen my first NYC Prostitute. I set the bar at 10 minutes and took the under… dammit.

2:45PM: I tried to not look like a tourist but it was quite hard while I was snapping pictures with my camera every 2 minutes.

3:00PM: I find myself standing at Times Square and can’t believe how many flipping advertisements there are. It was like living in a magazine.

3:05PM: Just been handed 15 different place cards with more advertisements for stores and shows. Now I really feel like a magazine.

3:10-3:45PM: Walked down Broadway and through a tiny part of Central Park. People are really enjoying the sun. Everyone is laying around in bikinis and shorts. Unfortunately, I mean EVERYONE. You know… like girls… and guys. For more visual disturbance, there was a 300lb man in his bikini.

Moving on… you have to share my pain, it’s only fair.

4:00PM: Just passed a four way softball complex. Oh men’s softball. How I love softball. (Batting .775 in 3 games in my league back home. Not to brag, O.K. I’m bragging.)

4:05PM: Stopped off at a bar for a drink before heading to the studio.

4:25PM: Drink was free since the wait staff was upset and bummed because they just found out their bar was closing in a few days. (WIN/WIN for me… LOSE/LOSE for them)

4:45PM: Arrived at the studio right on time only to find about 100 or so people standing in line ready to go inside. (Dammit)

4:50PM: Headed on in through the medal detector and continued to be harassed by the security guard about my metal belt buckle. I’m here to take a test not… you know what, never mind.

5:00PM: Answered 30 of the hardest questions I have ever been asked in my life. Probably answered 10 of them that I knew and guessed on the other 20. Not my finest moment.

5:20PM: Walked out of the studio kind of disappointed but at the same time not really. I did get a free Who Wants to be a Millionaire magnet so… WIN/LOSE.

5:21PM: So I failed at my chance on Millionaire, now time to find the Cash Cab.

5:22PM: There’s a cab, maybe… no.
5:23PM: There’s a cab, how bout that one…no.
5:24PM: There’s a cab, no.
5:25PM: There’s a cab, OMG THAT’S HIM… no wait never mind.
5:26PM: There’s a cab, nope, forget it.
5:27PM: There’s a… Hooters! Well since I’m here.

5:31PM: Feeling two different emotions right now. Sketchy and Lonely. Sketchy because I just asked the waitress for a table for one at Hooters, and lonely because they sat me at a table for four. Oh well, I’ll have the chicken sandwich.

5:32PM: Sports Center continues to talk about where LeBron James will end up next year.

5:40PM: For the sake of this blog, I asked my waitress (Tiffany) who she thought LeBron James should sign with. Her response: “Isn’t that that black guy that plays basketball.” Good thing I KNOW what I’m asking.

6:30PM: Started to make my way back down Broadway and 8th Avenue to Penn Station to wait for my train.

6:31PM: Hailed my first ever taxi. Go me! Asked my taxi driver who he thought LeBron James should sign with. I’m pretty sure he made a up language to answer me with.

6:35PM: Arrived at Penn Station. (Yes, I was unaware that I was 5 blocks away)

6:36PM: Paid the fare and saw my ump-teenth NYC Hooker Lady. Not sure if this one was a he or a she. Again for the sake of this blog, I asked her/him who LeBron James should sign with. Her response: “Oh he’ll be a Knick by August 1st for sure.” Synopsis: 1 out of 1 prostitutes think LeBron will be a Knick.

6:40PM: Saw a group of pigeons cross paths with another group of pigeons. Thought I was watching a pigeon reenactment of West Side Story.

6:41PM: Would really like to know if pigeons are either constantly thinking of techno music beats or continually suffer from epilepsy.

6:45PM: PLANET SMOOTHIE!!!!!

6:45PM: Mango is delicious.

6:50-8:50PM: Wrote this blog.

8:50PM: Boarded my train to Albany.

That was basically my trip in a nut shell or rather a long blog.
Here is now a synopsis/rules I learned on my trip.

1. Didn’t make it on Millionaire but I did get a free refrigerator magnet.

2. Realized that if you walk behind two people holding hand, no one will run into you.

3. Foreign Business men are the perfect people to follow if you can’t find that fast walking couple. These guy’s walk with purpose. No one touched them.

4. PLANET SMOOTHIE IS AWESOME!!!

5. Wear Sunglasses to avoid awkward eye contact with hundreds of thousands of people you don’t know.

6. Intercom systems at Penn Station now say every 10 minutes. “Remember to report any suspicious activity and unattended baggage. See something… Say Something.” Where would we be without T-Shirt Vender guy!

Pencils Down!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been addicted to one thing. The bad part is, that I’m not really good at this one thing, in fact I’m pretty bad at it. However I do get lucky sometimes depending on the situation. Before I move on, let’s all get our mind’s out of the gutters.


That one thing is trivia. I love trivia but like I said before, I’m not really that good at it, but I do love to participate in it. For years I’ve been watching game shows and playing games like Trivial Pursuit. And I’d say if I were to witness 10,000 questions, I may have gotten 500 right, which isn’t that bad but let’s face it, that’s a horrible average.

But I love it so much. I go to bar trivia whenever I can, I religiously watch the game show network, and I’m also involved in a Facebook group created by one of my friends who posts a new trivia question every day. Hell, I even have a box of Trivial Pursuit trivia cards in my car for road trips.

A little obsessed, maybe, but I love trivia so much because I like to challenge myself. It’s the same reason why everyone else participates in it. Simply to see how much smarter you are then your friends and competitors. However, when I play, it’s more like Slumdog Millionaire, where my life just so happens to revolve around the question or I just get lucky.

Trivia Pursuit is probably one of my favorite games and I’ve been playing it since I was a little kid. My brother and I would always team up with my parents and we’d compete. My brother would always be with my dad because for some odd reason my dad’s the smartest man never to compete on a game show. The man is an encyclopedia of random facts and pop culture. And I don’t mean those little pocket reference guides, I mean like a full on 35 pound, break my back encyclopedia. It’s disgustingly amazing.

However, my mother and I did win occasionally, less times then Jennifer Lopez has been married but we did have one up on my father and brother. DISNEY TRIVIA!!! Disney trivia was the greatest addition that Trivia Pursuit could have issued. There was no team that could defeat us. (Fun Fact: first movie watched was The Little Mermaid; Last movie watched was D2 The Mighty Ducks… Do the math!)

Now a days I simply meet up with friends at the bar a weekly basis and play team trivia against other groups at the bar. To me, this is just as fun, mainly because my dad’s not there to answer every freaking question correctly.

But now it’s time to put my trivia luck to the test. In less than two weeks, I will be traveling to New York City to try out… for Who Wants to be a Millionaire. My visit will consist of a 30 multiple choice question test with an interview to follow if I pass.

I finally have a chance to see if I’m meant to compete on a trivia game show. It’s a life-long dream finally coming true.

So now I ask all of you, if you see me online, pass me at work, or scroll by my name on your address book on your phone. I ask of you to ask me anything. Text me, email me, call me, ask me, Facebook wall post me…I have less than two weeks to prepare and what better time to start then late rather than never.

While I need to get through a 30 question test, one on one interview, and answer 15 questions to win a million dollars. The one question that has me absolutely puzzled, how the heck do I get to New York City without getting lost??

Home Town Trifecta!!!

On the night of May 3rd, one great event after another was scheduled on television. No it wasn’t Dancing with the Stars or the next embarrassing performance from the amateurs on American Idol. This was a “Paul Snyder Dream Come True.” This was something that many sports fans appreciate but rarely have the chance to witness first hand. A Trifecta of Home town sporting events including two, count em, two playoff games. The Bruins and Red Sox start off at 7:00 while the Celtics tip off at 8:00, the following article is devoted to every reaction I encounter while watching the HomeTown Trifecta. Enjoy.


7:06 Setup Television for picture and picture (Bruins on the big screen, sox on the little screen) no offense to the Red Sox but Bruins started on time.

7:11 Bruins win first face off and get 3 straight shots on goal and there’s a scrum after the first whistle (instantly glued to my TV screen.)

7:12 Dustin Pedroia makes a gold glove stop going away from first. This man will have more hardware than any athlete under 5’7’’ with the exception Scott Hamilton.

7:16 Top of the first over, Clay Bucholtz 24 outs away from his second no hitter.

7:20 Bruins score!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL! I can’t say it enough. I love playoff hockey, it’s like watching sudden death on crack.

7:24 3 up 3 down, no hitters intact for both sides… what a game!

7:27 ESPN shows ALDS from last year when Angels are celebrating… switched back to Bruins.

7:27:30 ESPN GODS pissed off for me turning channel…Bucholtz gets nailed with a line drive. Switch back to please them. Bye bye no-no.

7:35 Just realizing for the first time this season that Bucholtz is wearing number 11. It’s like watching Bill Mueller pitch. Heck with this Umpire’s strike zone which seems to be anything the catcher catches, Bill Mueller could pitch.

7:43 GA GA GA GA GOOOOOD BYE!! Youkilis with a solo shot into the Monstah seats. Didn’t know he had it in him, neither did the third base coach apparently after sending Varitek from second to home last night during the eigth inning of a tie game with Baltimore. Still upset that they sent one of the slowest guys on our team from second to home… Papi has more steals for Christ Sakes.

7:45 DAMMIT… Flyers score on a cheap goal. There wasn’t no athletic skill, plan, or play involved. (read the sentence again and it does make sense.)

7:47 ESPN analysts mention that tonight the Bruins, Celtics and Red Sox are playing tonight. NO WAY!!! YOU’RE JOKING!!

7:49 1st Period over, 1-1… time to watch the Red Sox for the next 15 minutes.

7:52 BILL HALL YA…. BILL HALL…. HOME RUN BILL HALL!!! Who the &%$# is Bill Hall?? 3-0 Sox.

7:54 HAHAHA McDonald hits a grounder to first. First baseman dives and misses, second baseman gets the ball and throws to the pitcher who never catches it, McDonald leaps over the pitcher’s legs, which are on the bag, missing first base in the process. Umpire calls McDonald safe… Try again BLUE… I saw that without replay from New York… time to get the eyes checked. He never touched the bag. If the catcher who backed it up throws to first base… McDonald is out by 15 feet because he was too far up the baseline.

8:09 ESPN shows Varitek sitting on the bench. Yea I’m not sure why he’s sitting either. The guy’s only offensively hot for the first time in his &$%#ing career.

8:10 Switched to TNT only to see Charles Barkley struggling to compose a sentence. Dude looks more comfortable on a golf course.

8:12 Now here’s comes the tricky part… time to make the sacrifice. I’m going to go with the Red Sox. They have the lead and basketball and hockey is harder to follow if you’re not watching it as it happens. Plus I’m still a little pissed after the Sox lost 3 straight to Baltimore.

8:14 Watched King James spread his fairy dust to the crowd. Weirdest tradition… You’d think after 7 years of doing it and never winning a championship, he’d drop the stupid tradition.

8:21 OH OH OH OH OH… OH… OH OH OH OH OH OH OH… OH OH… OH OH!!! SATAN SCORES!!!! 2-1 Bruins

8:30 Switched to ESPN for Sox update 5-0 Sox… feeling pretty comfortable about not watching this game, especially with them winning at home.

8:31 Upset that Rasheed Wallace has entered the game. I’d rather play 5 on 4, same end result with fewer missed shots.

8:38 Rasheed has 5 points and James has 1…. Something wrong with this picture… never mind… James just dunked.

8:41 Sox up now 5-3, may have spoke too soon. These aren’t the Sox of Christmas past.

8:44 Flyers score again… He wasn’t fancy… he went stick side…My Gordon Bombay fans know what I mean.

8:47 ATTENTION V-MART SHOPPERS… WE HAVE A SALE ON GROUND RULE DOUBLES TO RIGHT FIELD. AGAIN THAT’S GROUND RULE DOUBLES TO RIGHT FIELD.

9:00 Just realized that Aaron Boone is doing commentary for the Sox Game. I either can A) watch it anyway B) MLB Audio Gameday. I went with B. Ah the voice of Joe Castiglione… how I miss thee.

9:04 Tony Allen steals the ball and runs down the court… Lebron following him like a five o’clock shadow… wait for it… wait for it… OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Block from behind by Lebron… gee I didn’t see that coming. Everyone but Tony Allen saw that coming.

9:15 BLOCK BLOCK… BUILDING KICK… EXPLOSION!!! I Love Terry Crews.

9:25 Cameras found a San Jose fan at the Fleet with a Washington Nationals hat… I don’t even know where to begin.

9:32 Just said to myself… Bruins are really controlling the puck tonig…. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LUCIC BABY!! I love watching an entire arena throw their hands up in the air… great visual.

9:34 Empty Net… HERE WE GO!!

9:35 WOW A MISSED OPEN NET GOAL… really, there’s still 34 seconds left. Not a fan.

9:38 SHIPPING OFF TO PHILLY WOAH OH OH! Up 2-0 in the series and Part 1 of the Trifecta is complete. Two to go.

9:44 Finally turned back to the Sox game. Haven’t forgiven Boone, the TV is just muted.

9:51 Silent treatment for Beltre’s first home run. Well worth it… 11-4 Sox. Turning off the Picture-in-picture. It’s all Celtics now.

9:59 Switched back on Celtics commercial…Pedroia must have grabbed his Dunkin’s Ice Coffee today… HOMERUN TO LEFT!! 14-4.

10:06 After a Big Baby Free Throw… Celtics hand Cleveland their largest deficit of the year at home. (22 points)

10:10 Repeat after me. I WILL NOT BE SUCKERED INTO A FOURTH QUARTER LEAD. I WILL NOT BE SUCKERED INTO A FOURTH QUARTER LEAD. I WILL NOT BE SUCKERED INTO A FOURTH QUARTER LEAD.

10:15 I’d love to know how the planets are aligned tonight… Because something has got into Rasheed Wallace. 17 points??

10:19 Sox up 17-4 save some for tomorrow boys!

10:35 11-0 run by the Cavs… I repeat, I WILL NOT BE SUCKERED INTO A FOURTH QUARTER LEAD.

10:40 The crowds on their feet and chanting pretty loud… I hate a visual like this. Good thing I’m not suckered in yet.

10:50 Dirty Water plays again! Sox win 17-8. Lebron WALKS (Like he’s been doing all night) his whinny self back to the locker room, Celtics beat the Cavs tie the series up at one game apiece.

After 3 hours and 50 minutes, a bowl of ice cream, and 3 bathroom breaks later, I have successfully watched, enjoyed, and blogged about the Home Town Trifecta. I also witnessed the ultimate outcome… A PERFECT 3 FOR 3! I’M GOING TO ENJOY WATCHING SPORTSCENTER TOMORROW!!!

Where in the World is... Barry Bonds??

Throughout all of baseball there have been different types of Eras. The Dead Ball, Long Ball, Expansion, Integration, and now, we might be witnessing a new era. The No Bonds Era.

It’s been 2 ½ years since Barry Bonds last played on the diamond, and since then, there hasn’t been much news about the Sultan of Syringe. He’s been a free agent since October of 2007 and yet, not one team has shown even an interest in Big Barry. In fact, it’s almost as if the world is trying to erase itself from the current home run hitting champion.

For him to even be in the news, he technically has to do something news worthy. So far he’s doing a pretty good job of staying out of the spotlight. He hasn’t done anything. Sure he visited the spring training for the Giants but that’s not enough to get you in the papers… my blog sure, but not the head line news.

He’s not begging on the doorsteps of GM’s around the league to play and he’s definitely not feeling the burn to play again because other wise he’d be submitting himself to the minors in order to show a team that he’s ready to play again. So he’s practically trying to stay out of the media hub.

Not only is he doing a good job of staying quiet, but other forms of media are doing the same. I recently noticed while playing MLB 2K10 that the Big Mac Asterisk isn’t even in the game. Usually with a player like Barry Bonds or Kevin Millar, who are either not part of the players union or don’t give MLB certain player rights will still be in the game, but under a different name. MLB 2K10 however, doesn’t even acknowledge Bonds’ existence. If you go to MLB records, it still shows Mark McGuire as the leader for single season home runs. It also shows Babe Ruth as the single season leader in walks, even though the Splendid Steroid broke that record by a 100 or so free passes.

This is when I actually started to question my baseball knowledge. I’m thinking to myself, Bonds broke that record, and that one, and that one… I think?? No… He DID!!

It’s almost as if, like the newspapers and sports shows, video games are weening themselves free of The Great Bondbino.

It’s also not like staying under the radar has been hard for Barry. From mistresses to shooting themselves, athletes have done more than enough to cover for him.

There’s also one tiny little thing that might be stopping Bonds from trying to come back. No not the fact that he can’t juice up anymore, because we all know he could if he wanted to. We all know some players still do. There’s the little thing called age.
Bonds is 45 years old, been off the needle for 4 years, and if he were to make a comeback it’d be almost improbable. There’s almost the sense that he’s given up or secretly retired. While neither him or his agent has officially made the retirement statement, you have to wonder if a comeback is the smart thing to do.

We know that Tiger Woods almost made the comeback of the decade by being out of golf for 144 days and almost winning the prestige Masters, but we’re talking about 2 ½ years, off the juice, in a world where the game isn’t all about the long ball.

There are a few things that make his non-return saddening. Bonds is practically hits away from becoming an all time great. PEDs or no PEDs it takes more than strength to hit a round ball square with a round bat. He’s 65 hits away from reaching 3,000. He’s 4 RBIs away from 2,000 and he’s also 38 homeruns away from reaching 800. Also, he’s 69 runs away from passing Rickey Henderson as the all-time runs champion, and trust me, someone like myself would love to see anyone else put Henderson in his place (aka 2nd.)

Unfortunately as much as I’d hate to admit it. I need Barry Bonds in my life. He went out the wrong way. I’d rather see him go flat on his ass then take the cowards way out. Frankly, I just need someone to hate because right now, I’m having a hard time hating anyone in baseball as much as I hate the Colossus of Cheat.



(I would also like to say that while writing about how the newspapers, sports shows, and video games are slowly removing Bonds from their futures… I just saw Bonds on the newest version of South Park. This is actually a good lesson. Don’t ever piss of Matt Stone and Trey Parker because they never forget. Ever!)

On the Prowl...

A fish swims, a bird flies, and next week… a tiger will devour it’s prey. It’s the way of the animal kingdom, and next week, the animal kingdom won’t be located in the heart of Africa, but rather in Augusta, Georgia, the site of the 2010 Masters.

The course will be filled with the usual suspects. Mickelson, Furyk, Singh, Els, Cink and many more will be hitting the range and putting around, but unfortunately for them, no one will see them do it.

No one attending the tournament will see them tee up their shots, talking with their caddies, or walk down the fairways. That’s because all eyes, cameras, and divided attentions will be directed towards the king of the jungle, Eldrick T. Woods, better known as Tiger.

For the first time since playing (and winning) in the land down under, Tiger Woods will return to the game of golf.

Personally, I couldn’t be happier, but every woman, girlfriend, whipped married man, and Christian/Catholic follower looks to disagree with me.

For the last four months he has cheated, lied, crashed, texted, hid, admitted himself and apologized. In fact, he’s done everything but swing a golf club (unlike his wife)… so we think.

As far as we know, he hasn’t set foot on a golf course since probably sneaking around his own private course with one of his umpteen mistresses. I know it’s a low blow Tiger (pun intended) but you have it coming (pun intended again.)
But then why would he return to of all things, The Masters? It could have been any tournament but I think that he’s so determined to prove to the world that he can win again, that The Masters seemed like the proper starting point.

It’s the tournament that he’s won four times. One more and he never has to worry about what jacket to wear on the weekdays. He’s made the cut 13 times since his first win in 1997, in fact he’s never finished higher than 22nd. I’d say this tournament was made for his return.

But is he ready?

Without playing in a single tournament this season, Tiger is attempting to return to the field to not only the biggest stage that his sport has to offer, but to win the whole damn thing.

To put that into perspective, that’s like Kobe missing the entire season and single handedly (with no team mates) giving himself a fifth ring or Albert Pujols winning the triple crown after spending the first three months on the DL with a broken hip. Woods is attempting to do what some feel is improbable.

There are a few things that do make him the front runner and fifth jacket possible.

For one, he is arguably the greatest athlete to ever set foot on a tee box. I say arguably because Michael Jordan still plays golf when he’s not buying NBA teams and making a fool out of himself in Springfield, MA. I digress.

Secondly, from the beginning of his career to his present day fall out, no one has had the successful life that he has had. From his first major win at the Masters to his impressive win at the 2008 US Open on one, count em’, ONE leg. Face it, the man does nothing but excel and win.

There’s also that tiny, little, itsy bitsy thing that no one has over Tiger Woods. That would be the mental aspect. It’s the one factor that has brought Tiger Woods to the top.

Like I said before, he’s choosing to return to the biggest tournament of the year without playing in a single competitive round. Why would he do this unless he was determined to win. When a normal person put their mind to something then feel that they can accomplish anything, but when Tiger puts his mind to something, he will accomplish everything.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will excel during this tournament, make the cut, turn heads, and be standing at the clubhouse just past the 18th hole being presented his fifth green jacket.

This man that we all know as Tiger, is ready to release a beast, outside the bedroom, that’s been hiding within his body since his leave of absence in late November.

Fish got to swim, birds got to fly, and Tiger’s got to win.